Dear colleges,Thanks for sending me all the brouchures and letters of your interest in me applying to your college. I'm extrememly flattered, and you definitely have given me consideration upon which campus and career major to fufill. But I must say, you all have been lying to me. Telling me that my futures lies in your hands can't possibly be accurate since I can only choose one of you. But I do know that even if I drew your name out of a hat, I know you would take care of me the best way you can. It's inevitable that, yes, you do really really like me. Some more than others. And I do like you back....some..... more than others. Yet, there's still other colleges I like as well, and it's a shame that they don't even know I exist. But let me ask, which one of you can tell me straight in the eye that you have my dream waiting for me? Tell me, do you think my life, my home away from home, is with you? Does your summers warm me enough to say hello to the sky, and does your winters chill me enough to make snow angels on my way to class? Can you promise me that the people I'll befriend with will give me good influence? Will my future roommate be a slob? Will your classes interest me? Do you think I'll come out a better person than I am in the beginning of college? What do you expect from me? What can I expect from you? It all sorta feels awkward in a way. I feel like you're all knocking on my door and kidnapping me from the one place I've lived in and the community I've always known, yet I allow you anyway. I'm going to live in a land with no familiarity, no person of acquiantance, no building that I previously stepped, and yet, you want me to point my finger at you and let me embrace you with open arms. I don't want to live in a place with a "dog eat dog world" kinda motive, I don't want to be around a good majority of people who apparently like to die early from Marlboro and Heineken, and I don't want to live in a place where I can't stand standing outside. I want to have every opportunity serviced, every professor aspiring, and a place I can enjoy walking around alone without anyone trying to steal my purse, gunpoint me, or rape me. And if that ever happens, (God, please don't ever let that be the case), is there anyone, any place, any service to rely on? So really, who's telling me the truth now? Who will guarantee my destiny? Am I worth it? Am I worth it all? You all should really knock on my door and greet my parents; they think I'll stay in some community college living with them. Haha, we can both laugh together on that statement. But meeting you won't make me easily swooned. What am I afraid from you? That's I'll miss home. I'll miss it enough to come back and say to myself, "What was I thinking?" I'm afraid I'll have to make friends (note: Honestly, I never once had a problem with making friends. Why? Because I make friends from MY friends and the friend that I'm friends with was always the one who had the initiative of befriending me. Living with a bunch of strangers and start from scratch on my own motives? I'm scared. to. death.) because I'm desperate. I don't ever want to let my parents know I'm not happy, safe, and satisfied. What's the worst thing I fear? There's two, actually. One, I'll come back forgetting everyone I loved and were once close with. And two, I'll forget myself. I'll completely look at an old friend and show no awareness, no compassion, no interest in each other's lives, and then they'll say," You've changed" and I haven't taken notice. And I'll be honest, I'm not the only one who feels this way. There are plenty other teenagers who feel just as frustrated as I am when searching for colleges. But I don't think you should oversee it as a minor issue; it just means that no one has answered our questions, or in this case, mine. Look, it's already 10:45pm. This is taking me almost three hours to express less than half the things I want to say to you. What I will say is this, I believe in giving everyone a fair shot. So although you're expecting big things from me after graduation, you can expect that I'm gonna come visit when you least expect it; just a fair warning. Because when it's home at first sight, I'll know.
Yours truly,
Ressa
