I had never seen my dad weak. Never.But that's all that I've seen from him from the past 5 or so days.
It's all so crazy that it happened so suddenly at a time I least expected it.
A friend of mine dropped me off my house one day afterschool and I noticed how all 4 of our family's cars were parked in the driveway. ALL of them. (3 cars are in use......it's funny how I have a car and I don't even have my permit yet.....but yeah. Still. All of the cars are parked outside that day.)
I was like,"Ohhhhhhhhhhh snap. DID SOMEONE DIE?!"
Again, it's really abnormal to see my parents, my brother, and me all together during school weeks....or even day time for that matter. My brother has college stuff, my parents work crazy hours, and I'm at school for a crazy amount of time than most kiddos. I'm home alone most of the time and sometimes I see my brother back early from his classes. Maybe I'll see my mom from her day off, but my dad never arrives home until 5:30 or 6:30; it depends on traffic. It was only 4ish. If it's was the weekends, then I wouldn't have freaked out so much.
But this was on a Tuesday.....the day I got back from my San Antonio trip. I couldn't have been more sleep deprived......more sore........more lazy......and more cranky than I would've been on any other day. I saw those cars and a shock of fear overwhelmed my eyes, and I instantly felt alert from the chill that ran down my spine. "God.....please let everything be okay. Please....let everything be okay......."
I entered inside the house expecting my family to be in total chaos. I was imagining my mom crying and my brother yelling and my dad yelling back.
What really happened was my mom steaming vegetables inside the kitchen. I could hear my brother watching daytime shows. There was a sense of mute that filled the house 'Where's Dad?'
"Mom-"
"-Dad got in a car accident while he was walking to work."
In a way.....I was in a bittersweet relief. Thank god nobody died. But a car accident? My parents barely get car accidents. & when they do, it's always the other driver's fault. I'm sorta surprised at how well they drive for two filipinos who got americanized when moving to the US after college. But this accident was different.....it was my dad without his vehicle. A car versus a human. I can't see how a human could win against a car.
I started walking towards my parent's room...but then everything suddenly turned slow-mo when I twisted the knob. My mom didn't tell me how bad he got injured. I started to panic all over again. But then I calmed myself as the door opened. "If he was really injured.......he would've been in the emergency room. Calm down......."
I looked up........my dad was okay! But then my eyes drifted down at his leg..........and it was the total opposite.
He was lying in bed, leg wrapped in those bandage cloths you get in hospitals, and a frozen bag of peas and carrots used as an ice pack.
He woke up when I got closer to him, and he had a smile in his face that made me smile back. We just stared at each other for a moment. Dad covered in blankets.....and me standing with a bulky backpack around my shoulders.
"Dad?"
"I almost got hit."
But from his eyes, he obviously knew I had known that already.
"What happened?"
"I was walking when a lady who was talking/texting on her cellphone nearly ran into me. I instantly jumped at the side of road and I pulled a muscle."
Dad always has a way of making a serious situation sound like it's nothing bad.
Dad, stop trying to find a way to protect me. I'm 17. I can handle it. I want to help you.
"So how bad is your leg?"
Mom chimed in from the kitchen, "I had to drive him in the morning in order to carry him back home!"
My daddy was just silent. He didn't reprimand it....but he didn't deny it either.
He's just awful at being vulnerable. The way that I see it, the disability of walking hurts him more than the physical injury of his near death.
I just wanted to cry right then and there. Sorry for not sounding intellectual, but the whole world suddenly sucked. My dad wasn't the same dad I saw when he dropped me off from school that morning. He became a struggled soul trying to break free from sympathy. I'm like him in a way. We both hate it when people feel sorry for us. But that's what I wanted to give, but since I understand how he's feeling, it was sorta awkward trying to express what I wanted to say to him.
My brother came in breaking the awkwardness into pessimism. "I guess we're not going to Massachusettes this summer," as he past by the room.
NO! We can't!
I can't. I had to be there. I just had to.
My brother knows me far too well. He didn't even look at me as he replied to my silence that Dad will probably need to recover during the beginning of summer. & I don't blame him for being a downer. He was right.
"No. I'll be okay by then," was all that my Dad said as he begins to drift back into sleep.
I wonder if people view my dad as a man that lacks sensitivity or a man who's abundant in strength.
I didn't want to bother him anymore. My brother and I seperated ourselves from dad's presence and returned to our business. We returned back to our daily routines.
I couldn't see my dad for the next 3 days. I was just so busy with my personal life that I came back late from school to learn that my dad wanted to be alone for a while. So I let him be. I would hear him sometimes asking my mom to help him walk to the bathroom, which required only 3 steps, now requires 20 steps from the sounds of his legs scooting to reach for the sink.
Today was when I finally saw him walking around the house compared to him walking from room to room to lie down.
"Hey, I wanna go to CVS."
My brother agreed to drive all three of us at CVS around noontime. Again, we don't own a crane. He used his children's shoulders to guide him inside the store. It was sorta embarassing seeing people look at all three of us looking helpless. & I started to get really angry inside. 'WHAT ARE YOU GUYS STARING AT, ANYWAY?! CAN'T YOU SEE WE JUST WANT TO PURCHASE SOMETHING?!'
I reached down to grab an ankle brace at the foot care aisle. 'For a person who has an injured leg.....they can't really reach for an ankle brace conveniantly.'
I could tell that my dad was feeling the vibe strangers were giving off and he wanted to leave quick. "C'mon, let me see your shoulders......"
He purchased it and walked by leaning on his kids with his arms into the car.
My brother mentioned that we should buy crutches, and we decided to go to the Salvation Army to get one.
We did the same walking process as we met with family friends. My dad suddenly shot up and attempted to stand without us helping him.
"What happened?"
"Ahhhh, it's nothing. Just sprained a little. That's all."
The conversation ended shortly after that. He looked back to see when his friends were completely gone and returned his hands back to our backs. We entered inside.
There was more people in the Salvation Army compared to the people in CVS, but they didn't care much that we were inside. It made us feel welcomed in a way. We were nothing but average. We were amongst the crowd. My dad apparently went in the right direction and found a section that contained nothing BUT crutches. A lady who happened to be a hospital assistant saw my dad and helped him find the perfect crutches with the appropriate height. "Make sure it's not too high........you'll damage another muscle from your under arms this time!"
She was really sweet and gave good humor about my dad's injury. All of us were laughing about it and went on our separate ways.
My brother drove back home. And Daddy entered the house on his own with the crutches in each arm. I watched him from behind to make sure he won't fall.
My dad soon started to practice walking without the crutches later on in the day, which made me admire how determined he is to become independent all while realizing how useless the purchase of crutches were as he barely used them throughout the house.
I just wanted to die as I saw him walking.
It's like seeing a puppy accidentally falling into a sewer. Witnessing it was worser than the action that was trying to carry through.
His legs wobbled and his voice was throbbing in pain.
"Dad, what do you need?"
"I got it."
He suddenly fell flat out on our tiled floor shortly afterwards.
Again, my dad is good at making everything like it's no big deal. He quickly got up and weakly laughed about it. It wasn't funny to me at all.
"I'm fine, anak [child]."
I just couldn't speak to him after that. I got up and walked to my room.
I suddenly became really angry at my dad. Why does he always try to be fearless? Why can't he accept that he needs time to fully heal?
I peeked at him after a while from staying in my room, and I saw him so tired from just standing in the kitchen. He looked so.......unhappy. And from that moment, I knew.
I knew that all he ever wanted was for his family to pretend that there was never a chance that he wouldn't be alive. He wanted himself to walk to make him believe everything can and will be the way it used to be. He really wants to see Massachusettes with the family this summer.
He's walking back to the room huffing out," This step is for my wife.....this step is for my son.....this one's for my daughter....."
Please, people. Please think twice about using your phone while driving. I could've been fatherless 5 days ago.
Just know that for every button you press, every time your eyes aren't focused on the road.....you'll have a chance on hurting someone. Atleast be smart about it and not use it when you're in a busy road. But the chances are the same. Every person you encounter in life is loved in some way. You hurt them, you're hurting every person that that person loved and is loved from.
In this case, the lady who talked on her phone hurt my dad. That lady hurt me.